Donkee House

My Right Eyeball is Falling Out…

I am resolutely convinced that my right eyeball will swell up to the size of a pink grapefruit, then gently pop out and roll down my face on to the nicely steamed hardwood floor to the other side of the living room in oh, about TEN MINUTES. I have a swollen tear duct and it’s about twice the size of the other tear duct in my other eye.

Nope, I don’t feel any pain nor irritation (wait, maybe I do…) and if you were to look at me right now, you most likely will not even notice it. Except that I will most assuredly point to my engorged right tear duct and say, “SEE? LOOK at that thing…it’s the size of MONTANA! It’s clouding my vision by the second and soon, my face will be engorged, I’ll be blind in one eye and doomed to the deep dark depths of hell. Because this SURELY is a sign of impending HELL, isn’t it? ISN’T IT?”

I am ALMOST accepting of the fact that I will become a one-eyed lunatic. It can’t be that horrible, right? After all, I have ANOTHER eye. ANOTHER eye that is almost blind at -6.00 prescription for my contact – singular. When I become a one-eyed lunatic, I’ll need an eye patch…what will I look like then?

Will I be bad-ass AND also like cute in a nurse’s uniform?

Will I look hot damn in thigh high boots with crazy cool hair?

Will I be arguably the most gorgeous being on Earth (but I will NOT have a dozen children, ok? OK)?

Will I become one of the five?

Will I become an androgynous rock star and scare off all children 8 and under and traumatize them for all eternity so that even as a 33 year old adult, you still won’t be able to look at a picture of him/it/her/erhm without the hair on your arms standing on end? (ahem…)