Who Will Watch the Winter Olympics?

I’m asking about winter olympics rather than olympics in general because olympics in general would include the summer olympics.  Everybody knows that everybody watches the summer olympics because you get to see crazily fit and marvelously built people in little uniforms doing amazing tasks that further show off their amazingly sculpted robot bodies.  Gymnastics, any and all kinds of swimming, any and all track events, football (as in non-american football ok?), cycling and water polo.  Oh yes, water polo…

So…yeah…summer olympics are a given due to the sheer number of lazy-sit-on-your-asses like myself that LOVE to watch beautiful (an artful and years and decades of off-the-wall training beautiful) people doing unbelievable stuff while on the couch munching cool ranch doritos.  I love to watch and get motivated to do my own amazing deeds, but then I turn off the TV later and quickly de-motivate.  That’s just how it works, but at least I had a few minutes or hours of utter shame and embarrassment to go along with the short lived gung-ho-ness.

So…winter olympics…not as hot as the summer olympics…too much of the uniforms and such.  I do remember as a kid, I watched a lot the figure skating at my grandparents’ because it was their favorite sport.  Now, it’s sort of a guilty pleasure because I don’t necessarily want to appear like my grandparents (or grandparent, actually, since grandpa is in heaven feeding the pigeons), but I love to see the costumes (which get more and more revealing every four years, btw) and love to see whether the athletic jumper or the graceful twirler would win.  Debi Thomas vs. Katerina Witt, anyone?

Since I’m on the skating thing, I must say one of the hottest things about the winter olympics…speed skating.  Yes, they are going round and round or better yet, oval and oval, touching the ice and all that jazz, but I really wonder how long it takes them to put on their speed skating suit?  Do they need help?  Can I help?  Those suits are like second skins, every nook and cranny…

What else is hot?  For some reason, I really ski jumping.  I even tried it on the Wii.  Much more difficult than one would think…knees, angles and all.  Maybe I just love to watch people fly…

Of course, there’s the hockey.  I don’t know much about hockey and my impression of it has always been associated with TESTOSTERONE.  Can a hockey fan out there enlighten me on the joys of hockey please?

Luge and bobsleigh…let’s just say I’m once again ignorant.  Somebody?  Anybody?

Cross country skiing and the biathlon.  Anything with a “lon” at the end impresses me to pieces.  So yes, I’m a fan of the biathlon.  Plus, they get to shoot things.  Cross country skiing is crazy…their endurance boggles me.  Seeing the frozen snocicles doesn’t turn me off…kind of mesmerizing, actually.

Finally curling…no clue.  A round stone and brooms and a lot of yelling.  I’ve always been curious…I think I want to concentrate on curling this year for my own education.

What’s your favorite winter olympics sport?